I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize