I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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