I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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