I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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