Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
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I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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