A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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