I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
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Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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