I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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