Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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