i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize