you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize