so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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