Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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