Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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