I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
pray to the hookup gods
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize