you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
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all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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