so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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