we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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