Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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