You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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