Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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