why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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