How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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