You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Michael Bay diarrhea
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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