im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize