i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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