this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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