I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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