What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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