Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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