Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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