i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
vagina is talking i cant
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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