got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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