I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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