I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize