my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize