dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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