Welp...herpes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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