my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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