Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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