Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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