thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
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It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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