Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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