I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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