M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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