haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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