Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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