my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he puts the penis in happiness.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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