Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
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You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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