i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think my moral compass just broke
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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